Siblings carry a lot
Siblings of SEND children often:
- Take on caring roles young
- Feel they have to be "the easy one"
- Mask their own struggles
- Feel jealous, then guilty for feeling jealous
- Worry about their sibling's future
- Become exceptionally empathetic adults
All of this can coexist with loving their sibling deeply.
What siblings often need
- One-to-one time with each parent — even 15 minutes counts
- Their own space that is theirs alone
- Permission to feel anything — anger, embarrassment, sadness, love
- Honest, age-appropriate information about their sibling's needs
- A trusted adult outside the family to talk to
- Their own hobbies, friends and identity
Things to say
- "It's okay to feel cross with your brother sometimes."
- "You don't have to be perfect."
- "Your feelings matter just as much."
- "You are not responsible for them."
Sibling support
- Sibs (sibs.org.uk) — UK charity for siblings of disabled people, with resources for young sibs and adult sibs
- Local young carers services
- School pastoral support — let school know
- Sibling groups, camps, online communities
Watch for
- Anxiety, low mood, eating changes
- School refusal
- Becoming overly responsible / overly invisible
- Anger that has nowhere safe to go
Do
- Notice the quiet sibling
- Celebrate their wins loudly
- Apologise when you've had to cancel on them
Don't
- Don't expect them to parent
- Don't make their sibling's needs the centre of every conversation
- Don't dismiss their feelings as "but you've got it easy"
Siblings deserve their own childhood, not just a supporting role in someone else's.