The aim isn't to make anxiety vanish. It's to help the nervous system feel safer, give the worry somewhere to go, and build small brave steps. Practise these tools when your child (or you) are calm — not in the middle of a panic.
Grounding: 5-4-3-2-1
A simple way to bring attention back to the present:
- 5 things you can see
- 4 things you can feel
- 3 things you can hear
- 2 things you can smell
- 1 thing you can taste
Other grounding ideas: hold a cold drink, press feet into the floor, count objects in the room, hold a textured object, listen for distant sounds, squeeze a stress ball.
Breathing
Some anxious people hate being told to breathe. Keep it gentle and playful.
- Bubble breathing
- "Smell the flower, blow the candle"
- Square breathing (in 4, hold 4, out 4, hold 4)
- Hand-tracing breathing (trace each finger as you breathe)
- Balloon belly breathing with a soft toy on the tummy
- Slow out-breaths
Do not force breathing exercises during peak panic if they increase distress.
Worry time
Set aside a small daily window — for example, 10 minutes after tea — to talk or write through worries.
- During the day, jot worries down
- At worry time, look at them together
- Outside worry time: "That worry is important. Let's save it for worry time."
This stops worry taking over the whole day.
Worry box
The child writes or draws worries and posts them in a box. An adult and child look at them together later. This helps the child feel heard without needing constant verbal reassurance.
Calm box
A small box of regulating tools they choose themselves — fidget toy, stress ball, colouring, breathing card, soft fabric, sensory bottle, ear defenders, chew-safe item, bubbles, putty, comfort photo.
Reassurance-seeking (the loop)
"What if I'm sick?" "Will you come back?" "What if they laugh?" — repeated reassurance helps briefly, then the worry returns. Try:
- Answer calmly once or twice
- Validate the feeling, remind them of the plan
- Then redirect to a coping tool
"I know your worry is asking again. We've checked the plan. You are safe. Let's use your breathing card now."
Thought challenging
Anxiety tells scary stories. Question them gently:
- What is my worry saying?
- Is this definitely true?
- What else could happen?
- Has this happened before? What helped last time?
- What would I say to a friend?
- What's one small step I can take?
Panic attacks — what to do
- Stay calm; use a gentle voice
- Move somewhere quieter if possible
- Remind them it will pass
- Encourage slow out-breaths without forcing
- Use grounding
- Offer water; reduce attention from others
- Don't argue with the fear
- Stay nearby if wanted; give time to recover
Helpful words:
"This feels scary, but it will pass."
"Your body is having a panic response."
"You are safe. I'm here with you. We don't need to rush."
Avoid: "Calm down", laughing, getting angry, telling them they're silly, forcing them to talk, crowding them, touching without consent, threatening consequences.
Language that helps
"Stop worrying" → "I can see this worry feels really big."
"There's nothing to be scared of" → "Your body feels scared, and I'm here to help."
"Just go in" → "Let's take one small step together."
"You're being dramatic" → "This feels hard for you right now."
"You're fine" → "You're safe, and this feeling will pass."
"Everyone else can do it" → "We're focusing on your next brave step."
"Calm down" → "Let's help your body feel safer."
Bravery doesn't mean not feeling scared. Bravery means taking a small step while your body feels worried.
Sleep, food and connection
- Sleep: predictable routine, worry time earlier in the evening, write worries down, calm lighting, audio story, comfort object. Avoid big conversations at bedtime.
- Food: offer safe foods, never force food during panic, keep breakfast simple. Speak to your GP if eating becomes restricted.
- Connection: ten quiet minutes of one-to-one time — reading, drawing, walking, Lego — does more for a child's nervous system than any technique.