Family accommodation
Family accommodation means changing your behaviour to reduce your childs OCD distress. Examples:
- Answering the same question repeatedly
- Washing things for them
- Checking doors/appliances so they do not have to
- Letting them avoid feared situations
- Changing family routines around their rituals
This is completely normal — you are trying to help. But over time, it makes OCD stronger.
How to reduce accommodation gently
- Pick one small thing – do not change everything at once
- Agree a plan with your child – "We are going to try answering that question only once today"
- Validate their distress – "I know this feels scary. I believe you can handle it."
- Do not argue with OCD – "The OCD is telling you that. What do you think?"
- Praise bravery, not relief – "You did it even though it was hard" rather than "You are fine now"
Reassurance-seeking
Children with OCD often ask the same question many times:
- "Did I wash my hands properly?"
- "Are you sure nothing bad will happen?"
- "Did I do that right?"
What helps:
- Give the answer once
- Then say: "I have answered that. What does the OCD want you to do now?"
- Or: "I know you are worried. I am not going to answer again, but I am here."
Self-care for parents
Living with a childs OCD is exhausting. You may feel:
- Guilty that you caused it
- Angry at the behaviours
- Sad for your child
- Resentful of the family impact
These feelings are normal. Consider:
- Parent support groups – OCD Action runs one
- Counselling – for you, not just your child
- Respite – short breaks via your local authority
- Carers Allowance – if you provide substantial care
What not to say
- "Just stop it" – they cannot
- "That is ridiculous" – it feels very real to them
- "I will do it for you" – this feeds OCD
- "Other children dont do this" – shame makes OCD worse
What to say instead
- "I can see the OCD is being loud today."
- "You have managed this before. You can do it again."
- "I love you. The OCD is separate from you."
- "We are a team against the OCD."