Self-harm — first response for parents

First — breathe

Self-harm is a coping behaviour, not attention-seeking. Your reaction in the first 5 minutes shapes whether your child tells you again.

Say

• "Thank you for telling me / showing me."
• "I''m not angry. I want to understand."
• "We''ll get help together."

Don''t say

• "Promise you''ll never do it again" (they can''t)
• "You''re ruining your life"
• "Don''t be selfish"

Practical steps today

1. Treat any wound — A&E if deep, bleeding heavily, or near a vein/artery
2. Quietly remove obvious means (blades, large medication stocks); don''t make it a confrontation
3. GP appointment within the week — ask for CAMHS referral
4. Build a safety plan together
5. Tell school in writing — request key adult and a no-questions exit pass

Ongoing

• DBT-informed therapy is the evidence base
• Distraction kit: ice, elastic band, intense exercise, drawing on skin in red pen
• Replace, don''t just remove — find the function (relief? control? punishment?)

Helplines

• selfharmUK · YoungMinds Crisis Messenger text YM to 85258 · Papyrus HOPELINE247 0800 068 4141 · 999 if in immediate danger